It’s that time of the month where hormones are buzzing, emotions are at an all-time high and boys are doing it all wrong. Not THAT time of the month, this ladies and gentleman, is Valentine’s Day. It comes from Roman Times when men used chase women and beat them to make them more fertile (Riordan, 2013); although I wouldn’t suggest that tactic, as tempting as it is and someone out there will probably enjoy it. As a veteran of this day, with three successful tours of duty under my belt I am here to show you how it’s done. I’m probably the worst person to give you advice, but no one took me up on my offer of writing an article or even a date. So you get me, each and every one of you gets a piece of my mind, that’s better than any dinner or box of chocolates. There are three approaches for this specific mission:
#3 Ditch Your Other Half
You’ve been holding on too long, maybe you’re way out of his league, or you play for the football team and therefore are way out of her league. You persevered through Christmas because who can’t help a bit of romance at that time of year? Now the January blues have hit, you realise she’s more Serie B than Serie A and you realise your ambitions to reach the top 4 this year. How you get rid of them is up to you; it all depends on the scenario really. Just don’t be friends afterwards, that never ends well. Ever. And there you go, Valentine’s Day expenses are reduced to £0. Ideal. Maybe that’s a bit depressing, but sometimes it needs to be done, just imagine next time you go for a meal and you only have to pay for yourself. One of the best feelings ever. I am not joking; forget having your first child or getting married; paying for a meal for yourself and no one else almost feels like you got it at half price. So now you’re cut all the strings, what do you do? Well you’ve got to keep yourself busy on Valentine’s Day; so you can whatever you like. No trying to please anyone, you won’t have to do something to make them happy, you can do whatever you like. Why not write for LIVIC?
#2 Take Them Somewhere Nice
This is really the safe option and therefore not recommended in the slightest. The easy option? Who wants to do that? Are you a UCL graduate? No! If I wanted the easy option I would be doing Golf Studies at UCL, not Civil Engineering at Imperial. This is last place on the list because it is exactly that, a last resort; and even then it’s not even worth it. In taking this option you have reserved the right for everyone to judge your degree choice and given them an insight in to your real passions. Also, for the love of all that is good in this world do not go to an Italian chain restaurant. I don’t know why this has become the go-to food for couples but it’s so boring. Pizza or pasta, if you’re lucky they’ll do Lasagne. Go explore, you’re in London, there is a pocket of culture in every single area of this city. If your creative skills are a -2 and you insist on going out for a meal, at least go somewhere interesting. Just not one of those Italian chains!
#1 Cook Something
You’re a student, yes I know, and you probably have the culinary range of a chimpanzee but recipes are really easy to follow. They’re just like scripts on MATLAB, you carry them out step by step, occasionally there’s a for loop, if statement and if you’re special there might be a user defined function! I am spoiling you aren’t I? You know what women love? When men cook for them, it’s all romantic and stuff. I don’t really know the science behind it, but apparently a basic life skill is really romantic. You know what men love? A woman who cooks in the nude, ok that’s just a personal preference and breaks all sort of health and safety regulations but it’s all about doing something for each other. I think. Anyway, the main point is when you cook for them, they’ll come to yours or you go to theirs, after some romantic gesture that can only lead to one thing…that’s right, Netflix marathon!